As I write these first few words… and begin this journey, there is a sneaky sense of fear that runs through my veins creeping and lurking about me with the curious nature of a voyeaur looking upon its next subject.
What could I possibly be scared of? Well every time I embark on a new task or a GREAT NEW IDEA – before I gain any momentum and before I attempt to make any sort of a move, I follow this unusual pattern which STOPS ME – even before I reach the starting line.
This pattern begins with this sadistic voice in my head (actually there’s a few of those) that convinces me of an impending doom. With such deviant brutality it whispers to me that what I’m about do is destined for absolute FAILURE.
As I listen to this incessant ‘head director’ of mine it convinces me that my idea has either ‘been done before’, it’s a waste of time, it can’t be done, I won’t be able to do it, no one will care enough to support it, it won’t make a difference, it will never work, it’s going to be a colossal waste of time or my personal favourite… it will NEVER make any money – because everything is always about money and status – right?
Sometimes if I’m really on a roll, it will be a combination of a few – if not all of these lovely gems in one hideous package. Lucky ain’t I?
Yet Instead of villainizing this head director of mine, I’ve decided to thank it. You see without its past maniacal leadership into the nightmare of a complete and utter loss of my confidence, of my courage, of my belief in self and of my ability to make a real difference – I would not have been pushed into creating this project. Without this brand of MADNESS running around my head, I would not have reached the gloomy and dark depths that I have explored. Without this self indicated TYRANNY I possibly would not have had to go through this colourful, incredibly depressing and systematic breakdown of ‘my everything’ for the last decade – or perhaps it was even longer.. but who’s keeping track?
It is thanks to ‘Captain Crazy’ that I have reached a point where I know that I never want anyone to feel the way I have felt, I never want people to beat themselves up the way I pulverized myself, I never want people to stop believing in themselves as I have done for so very long, I never want people to loose site of their abilities and make themselves ‘less than’ and I never want people to put themselves in this endless state of paralysis that I have endured for what seems to be an endless spiral of lifetimes.
But let’s GET REAL here –
I know countless people will continue to be STUCK as I have been for so long, and they will experience THE PAIN I have and MORE, sometimes losing themselves as I have and this is what has led me to embark on this INCREDIBLE ADVENTURE that will see me writing, speaking, connecting and creating.
You see, I have come to realize that the best way I can help others is by REBUILDING MYSELF while sharing my story and perspective on what I see, what I feel and what I learn as I begin to put myself back together. I have promised myself that I will be an open book on my struggles, my doubts, my secrets, my desires and of course – my FEARS AND FAILURES – for in the DARKNESS lies the brightest of lights and the Greatest of Lessons.
I know in my heart that ALL those around us are teachers and prophets of such brilliant wisdom if we choose to stop and take notice. I trust my belief that in creating a state of ‘no specialness’ in others, we then all become equally GREAT.
If we are all connected then it is through the Failures, Successes and Stories of others that I will learn how to see and connect with my Best Self. This shared WISDOM is how I will remember to honour my present state as perfect and NOT IN NEED of any ‘fixing’.
I know in my heart that there are definitely others like me out there and it is my wish that these LessonsInGreatness will teach you as much as they will teach me.